Loss, Love, & Life
First of all, I want to start this out by honoring and remembering my angel baby. I haven't been able to open up about this because I wasn't sure how to go about it in the right way, but Mack and I suffered a loss in February. I only knew I was pregnant for less than two weeks and we never got to see a heartbeat and it was very early, but going through a miscarriage was one of the hardest and most painful things I've ever been through. It's something that so many experience and a lot of times are afraid to talk about it - for fear of making people uncomfortable or because they feel like nobody would understand that we still feel immense loss. No matter how tiny my baby was, no matter how short a time we knew, no matter how early we were in our journey - I still felt grief. We've had time to heal now, but I never want to hide the fact that we lost a baby. I've struggled with letting my miscarriage rob me of joy in my current pregnancy, and I'm not sure if I'll ever quite move past that crippling fear, but I've finally allowed myself to get excited about our rainbow baby and I'm so thankful that we have this chance to grow our family. I recently came across a verse that touched my heart deeply and I've been applying it to my life as much as possible.
Our lives have been a beautiful journey and I wouldn't trade any of our experiences for the world. I'm so thankful that we're being given this opportunity to fill our hearts with love for a new child to go along with the love we have for the one we lost.
We're so excited to be celebrating a new addition to our family and I'm so glad to finally share it with the world, although it still doesn't feel 100% real! I'm almost 15 weeks and I've finally started to feel normal again. Since early on in my pregnancy, I've had food aversion and hard time eating as much as I should. That gradually progressed to nausea and then on to throwing up and struggling to eat and drink enough. Two weeks ago I was sent to the hospital for an overnight stay due to dehydration and starvation. It sounds so ridiculously dramatic and I felt stupid and maybe like it wasn't really that bad and that maybe I wasn't trying hard enough to eat and drink. But I think it was a good thing. I had a couple bad days shortly after that, but as of the past week or so I've felt amazing and like a human being again. I guess the second trimester starting really is an amazing thing! Hopefully it's smooth sailing from here on out. I've known how I wanted to announce our little Baby McCartney for a while now and I'm so so so happy with how our photos turned out. Here are a few more, thanks to my sweet best friend who took them for us!
So thankful for this man and this baby and this life.